The dragon was more than motionless, it was lifeless. If he hadn’t known better the hunter would have sworn it was a statue. He snapped his teeth, taunting the beast, ‘The time of your tyranny is finally over!’ he said, swishing his cape dramatically. He’d rehearsed this several times in front of a mirror and wasn’t going to let a bit of dragon glamour put him off.
In a small, lake encrusted clearing beyond the cave, a group of anxious looking people had gathered. They’d heard tell of the traveller’s quest to kill the dragon and were desperately concerned for his welfare. Some of the younger ones had also brought their phones, secretly hoping for an elicit #hellfire.
Back inside the cave, the dragon didn’t say anything. Not even when the hunter flicked a rope over its great neck and pulled it tight.
‘To be honest, I expected more,’ the man hauled himself up onto a rough ledge, securing a chain to the binding before clamping the locks shut. ‘The fearful tales were pretty fearful.’ He jumped down, scooping up an elongated weapon from his rattling caravan, ‘But then I fear that the truth of dragons always gets lost in the… fear.’ He cursed his last minute choice not to pack a thesaurus.
The dragon didn’t answer him. Not even when the Teflon clad hunter touched the tip of a surface to air missile to its sparkling belly.
‘I’m not going to lie, this will hurt you far more than it will hurt me.’
Outside in the clearing, the people were restless. It didn’t normally take this long for a fry up and the apple core of their anxiety had sprouted several saplings of curiosity. A spectacularly moustached man peeped around the cave entrance, ‘Everything okay in here?’
‘Behold!’ the hunter gestured like a late night shopping channel host, ‘Your great foe is easily subdued by my manly skill.’
‘Right…’ the man twirled his moustache because it had its own Twitter page, ‘only some of the children are asking if they can have a photo. When it’s all over… obs.’
The dragon didn’t interject with an amusing riddle. Not even when several of the increasing number of innocent bystanders gave it an encouraging thumbs up.
‘Um, sure.’ The hunter had been growing a beard since 1993, he fumbled uneasily at the wispy outcrop occupying his chin, ‘I’ll just finish this Hellspawn off and the…little dudes can take as many Selfies,’ he quietly congratulated himself, ‘as they like.’
The dragon didn’t make a sound. Not even when the tip of the rocket launcher rebounded off the cave wall and exploded like a disappointing advert for season 8 of NCIS Los Angeles.
The hunter didn’t make much noise either. Although he did make a sort of squishy, hissy sound as what was left of his underpants hit the lake outside.
The people clapped.
‘Ah, hunters and their ego,’ the dragon said, shooing away a pale curtain of smoke with one of the man’s arms before beckoning the children inside, ‘they always think you’re talking to them.’
Love the humor of this. What was the inspiration, or did it just come to you?
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Twitter is driving me crazy. I have a brass dragon next to my PC. I’m addicted to recording NCIS Los and not having time to watch it. I just put it all in the oven and hoped for casserole.
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Hahaha. I love that! Great stuff my friend!
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If the dragon hadn’t worked out, it would have featured a young Simon le Bon.
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That is how you write a proper dragon story.
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Never trust ’em, babe. Especially when they’re not taking.
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Some days it don’t come easy, that’s for sure. It’s just taken me all day to write one piece. I have two more in production, and not the energy…
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I have a file called, ‘bad day’. I will take the content to my grave. In the end you just gotta write, even if it takes all day and could fit on the back of a postage stamp. Because the alternative is NCIS Los Angeles seasons 1-8, and possibly rum.
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Mmm, rum. Black Spiced, I hope?
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Every damn time ⚔
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Oh, I approve! Kraken is my favorite.
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Do not lead me astray, Steven. I live in the south, I can’t even justify drinking it to keep warm.
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Oh, I’ll nurture and encourage anyone’s darkest instincts and habits, Jac. It’s part of my ‘charm’ 😉
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A delicious casserole indeed. I particularly liked the blending of dragons and the language of dragon hunters with more modern stuff.
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Now that’s a Dragon story to my liking, and I love a dragon hunter who realises he should have brought a thesaurus ;-).
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Terry Pratchett talked about the perils of Lazy Fantasy. We all know the rules, it’s good to mess it all up a bit.
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It’s a fearful shame to leave behind a thesaurus. I fear it fills me fearful with fear, mate.
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That bit and the hunter’s egocentric assumption re who the kids were waiting to have in their selfies made me giggle.
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Hairily challenged hunter or mahusive dragon? I know which one I’d pick.
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Okay, I had to comment on this one. I don’t think I’ve had that much fun from so few words in a long, long time. That was hilarious!
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Goddamnit, Neil. You are awesome. I’m editing the final draft of a novel I’ve written in the same style. Amid the mysterious power-cuts of discontent, its easy to forget where we put the candles. Thanks for bringing a torch, babe.
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Haha, I’m not awesome, I’m just a guy who likes to read and write interesting stuff. Keep on doing what you do, it’s not only good, it’s got its own unique voice. Good luck with the novel too!
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I’ve never loved you more. In the poor light, I’d accidentally confused unique with safe. Thanks, mate 🎈
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Dude, you are epic.
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Hi, just caught up with these comments. You’re writing a pseud-slaying novel? Great, I’ll be first in the queue.
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Waaaah. Thanks mate! It’s written, just working my way through the final draft and wondering if I had a life once.
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