Krampus pt.3

Two hours later and the tech squad are there
Using their face recognition software
A suspect is spotted just ten blocks away
A man with a sack, some deer and a sleigh
Cops take him down in a sinkhole of sirens
Flashing their torches and several firearms  
‘Are you gonna come quietly?’ a policeman yells
Over squalling alarms and rusty sleigh bells
The suspect just smirks as they unbuckle Prancer
Flips them the bird and refuses to answer
So he gets escorted on down to the station
Thrown into a van with a fearsome Alsatian
He’s stuck in an interview room with no view
And given a list of the things he should do
Police officer Dan sits down with a flurry
Says, ‘Kidnapping children’s the least of your worries.
It’s unsociable hours on the solicitor’s fee
And we’ll need a fresh copy of your last CRB
Your resident permits are rather unclear
And I hope for your sake they’re domestic reindeer
Then there’s the matter of carbon emissions
And the use of a sleigh in adverse conditions
Police officer Dan he leans back in his chair,
Says, ‘If you’re doing Santa, then what’s with the hair?
There’s more on your kneecaps than grows on your head
And that fur on your jacket don’t look like it’s dead.
There’s no judge on earth’s gonna grant you some bail,
and there’ll be quite a queue for your presence in jail.’  


8 thoughts on “Krampus pt.3

  1. Wanted to play along again but that’s juvenile so I won’t. I’ll wait for it to drop like a nice person not a diva snagging my minuscule bit of spotlight. Sniff*

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Of course! I can feel it building…ARRRR…I sat here and listened to all that you said, you should know I could drop this building with a nod of my head, or make a soup inside your skull or a lovely stew, if I added him there, and maybe her, too
    You have this clause and that clause and what about Jolly Old Nick and you all look like you spend too much time playing with your d**k, So if it’s not too much to ask I’ll have my whip and my flask and bid you adieu
    wait, what’s the plural of slay, is it slew?
    Oh reindeer you say, not for my kind of slay but they’re handy to have but the bill for the hay? No…No, I promised.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Hahahahahaha. Hahahahahaha. ‘Oh reindeer you say, not for my kind of slay but they’re handy to have but the bill for the hay?’ I tell you, mate, it’s a damn good job we don’t live on the same continent, we’d have to go on tour. Strike up the band.

    Liked by 1 person

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